Happiness Blog September 23, 2019

Holding the people in our lives accountable for respecting our boundaries is a big part of ensuring our boundaries are held in place and that we are honoring ourselves. This means putting in place accountability dynamics, and the first person we must hold accountable is ourselves. Reflect on the boundaries you have set and why you are worthy of these boundaries. Reflect on why you are worthy of fidelity and loyalty. Know that you are worthy and deserving of having good boundaries. Know that have shared your boundaries clearly and that everyone has heard what your boundaries are. Once you have done that, it is time to decide what the consequences for violating your boundaries are.

Each boundary you have set can have its own consequence for violation. I will share that boundaries without consequences are rarely adhered to. Deciding what you want the consequences to be is deeply personal to you and should be very honest. They should also include a plan B for what you will do if you cannot enact the consequence. Some people believe that if a friend betrays their confidence once, they will cut that friend out of their life. Not everyone does so, even if that is what they believe they will do. For example, a good plan B consequence may be to no longer tell that friend confidential information or to spend less time with them. Many people also believe they will end the relationship, and not everyone does. A good plan B could be that you will seek out counseling and have more transparency in the relationship and more financial freedom.

Whatever you decide are the right consequences for you are the right consequences. Provided there are consequences and a point at which you would end the relationship, how you get to place of ending the relationship should be personal to you and may differ between relationships. This is about doing the work to ensure that you have the fidelity and loyalty you deserve in your life and behavior that signals to you that you have done the work to set and enact your boundaries. Consequences also allow us to set a path to forgiveness for those we choose to keep in our life who have violated our boundaries, by giving them the opportunity to show us change through their actions. Having a path to forgiveness does not mean that their position in your life won’t change, but it does mean that you will be able to move on from the betrayal.

Posted on 23 Sep 2019 05:14

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