Happiness Blog September 16, 2019

A big part of communication is knowing what it is you want and what your boundaries are. Focusing on what you want your fidelity boundaries to be with the people and the roles those people play in your life is a big step toward being able to communicate them. The reason that we reflected for a week before communicating our boundaries is to ensure we have been honest with ourselves and have given ourselves enough time to tweak and change things so that they reflect what we truly want and what we truly value. To ensure that you have, take a moment to read what you wrote or reflect on what you thought you wanted your boundaries to be. Once you are confident that you know and understand your boundaries and are satisfied with them, then it is time to devise a communication plan.

A good communication takes into consideration who your audience is and what you are hoping to achieve. How we talk about fidelity and what fidelity and loyalty mean shifts with the different roles people play in our lives. What we expect from family is different than what we expect from friends, and both of those sets of expectation are different for our intimate partners. Deciding on which group of people you would like to communicate with first will help with crafting a plan. Consider what the person’s role is, how they enjoy being communicated with (over DM, in person, text, or voice call) and then reach out to them via their preferred method of communication.

When reaching out, it is important to have realistic expectations. I suggest starting the conversation with the fact that you have been contemplating what loyalty and fidelity mean to you and asking them what it means to them. When they are expressing themselves, do your best to be attentive and understanding. Reflect on how their understanding is similar or different from yours. Recap what you heard them say and then try to start from a place of agreement. Once you have a comfortable flow going, then share any places where their definitions differ. Expect to have a bit of negotiation. Check in and ask if what you are saying makes sense to them and if they can understand you. Be clear and do your best to remain calm. If it becomes clear that they are not hearing you, it might be a good idea to stop the conversation and come back to it on a day where they can hear you. Be sure to value yourself and know that you are worthy of the effort it takes to have your boundaries heard.

Posted on 16 Sep 2019 07:10

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