Happiness Blog June 3, 2019

Anger, like resentment, is usually driven by other emotions. Anger is a protector emotion. It protects us from fear, hurt, and insecurity. For example, feeling anger instead of feeling afraid allows us to feel strong. Feeling anger instead of feeling hurt protects us from being hurt even more deeply. Feeling anger instead of insecurity allows us to mask our insecurities. Some other feelings anger protects us from are distrust, envy, worry, sadness, embarrassment, and grief. Anger most often masks what the true emotion is. Understanding what our anger is protecting us from will help decrease how often we feel angry and the magnitude of our anger. Understanding the emotion underneath the anger will allow us to deconstruct those feelings and heal the core pain beneath the anger.

Facing and deconstructing the core pain underneath the anger allows us to begin to fully heal. When core pain is denied, it creates a loss of control and increases both emotional instability and volatility. The more we run away from core pain, the more volatile and angrier we become. The longer we run, the easier it becomes to believe that anger is the only emotion we are feeling. Research into anger tells us that “I’m only angry” is simply not true. Anger is rarely just anger. Anger is merely what we feel most comfortable showing the world. Anger often feels like the safest choice. Anger, over time, becomes a reflex, and we can become dependent on it even when we don’t need it. Learning to feel safe is a big part of letting go of anger, and one way to be safe is to know your truth.

Taking this look inside is an opportunity to understand what we are truly feeling and what the real issue is. Looking inside is how we come to know our emotional truth and stand in it. Something that can help us learn our emotional truth is to reflect on situations that result in an immediate feeling of anger and then focus on identifying what the underlying feelings are. Ask yourself: “Why does this make me angry? What am I feeling beneath the anger?” Unpack what’s underneath. Stand in your emotional truth and begin to heal the core pain that is driving the anger.

Posted on 03 Jun 2019 00:02

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