Happiness Blog May 6, 2019

Resentment is toxic and ruins positive feelings and prevents hope from blossoming. Resentment is also something we learn to feel. Resentment is a function of our emotional reasoning. When our emotional reasoning tells us that actions or situation are a threat to satisfying our needs and this thought is met with the belief that this is out of our control, we feel resentment. Being wronged coupled with a lack of control or inability to have a fair or just outcome results in resentment. What and how this is triggered is unique to each person. When people interpret emotional information how it is interpreted will either lead to satisfaction, frustration, anger, or neutrality.

Everyone has moments of emotional reactivity where the risk of resentment is higher than usual. Emotional reactivity can become more sensitive when we are sleep deprived, stressed out, or emotionally busy. In addition to fluctuations in emotional reactivity everyone also has a fluctuating frustration tolerance. When our frustration tolerance is low there is a higher risk of resentments forming. The same things that impact emotional reactivity lower frustration tolerance which in turn increases the perception of risk and danger. This increase perception of danger leads to an increased susceptibility to feeling resentment. Another resentment trigger is unrealistic expectations. Sometimes in life we expect more than what is realistic. This is a bit complex because what is reasonable, and fair is not always what is realistic. Reflecting on the situation and the people in a situation helps us to reflect on what is realistic. Expecting more from people and situations than is realistic will lead to hurt feelings and frustration which can quickly turn into resentment.

Now that we understand how resentment forms, we can focus on unpacking those feelings and looking at what lingering feelings are causing us to hold onto the resentment. Examining events from our past and asking ourselves what is the emotional trigger that is causing us to hold negative feelings will help us release those feelings. Looking at the things we avoid thinking about or feel angry when we think about and unpacking those thoughts and feelings will help us let go

Posted on 06 May 2019 04:59

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