Minimizing the Hidden Cost of Depression

Depression is heavy and impacts every aspect of life because of the drain on energy and motivation. This drain on energy and motivation can lead to a loss of gains made when not feeling depressed, which can make coming out of a depression feel daunting. Couple that with the expectations of others that if a depressed person has a good day then they are better, and it can make the journey back feel impossible. My clients often express a “what have I done?” feeling when they see their life through a lens that is not completely depressed. Post-depression, the house is usually a mess, the laundry has piled up, friendships and romantic relationships have been neglected, and all projects are overdue. It can feel overwhelming and trigger a relapse. I promise you that your life is not ruined, even if it looks that way. Certain aspects of your life may be neglected and in need of a little extra care, but that neglect can be accounted for in manageable ways. (read more…)

Thriving After Infidelity

I work with a lot of couples who are struggling with what to do after infidelity and wonder whether their relationship can survive. The answer is not only can it survive, but it can thrive. Whether or not it does, in my experience, is down to a few factors. There are factors on each side of the event that determine a couple's success post-event. The first factor is down to the partner who did not stray. It is down to that person to answer honestly whether or not the cheating is something they can forgive and move forward from. This event that they had no control over will forever change them, whether or not they stay. If you're that person: that’s a hard truth, and I’m sorry for that. You do not deserve what happened to you, but now you must decide if everything else in your relationship is worth the hard work it will take to craft a new normal. The second factor is with the partner who strayed. If that is you: Do you want to stay? You are the same person you were before the event, and you are in the wrong. You will have to dig deep to understand that you violated the fidelity agreement, which means you will have to do the work to earn your partner’s forgiveness. What earning that forgiveness looks like is surprisingly the same for the couples who succeed.   (read more…)

Supporting Someone with Anxiety

Having a partner who struggles with anxiety is manageable, and can still be a happy union. We all have our struggles, and anxiety is no different than any other life challenge. There are ways to help minimize the impact on your partner and relationship. The time to prepare is before anxiety is in control. Talk with your partner about possible triggers and what their anxious mind tells them. The human brain is a remarkable thing, and it likes sameness. If a person has anxiety, during the anxious episode the brain will do its best to uphold and sustain the anxiety. As someone who is outside of the episode, you can be a valuable asset by reminding your partner of objective truths. By knowing the types of lies their anxious mind tells them, you can present objective truths to help de-escalate. If they feel worthless, you can give examples of their worth. If they feel like a failure, you can give examples of their successes. If they feel unsafe, you can give an example of how they are safe. (read more…)

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