Happiness Blog September 16, 2019

A big part of communication is knowing what it is you want and what your boundaries are. Focusing on what you want your fidelity boundaries to be with the people and the roles those people play in your life is a big step toward being able to communicate them. The reason that we reflected for a week before communicating our boundaries is to ensure we have been honest with ourselves and have given ourselves enough time to tweak and change things so that they reflect what we truly want and what we truly value. To ensure that you have, take a moment to read what you wrote or reflect on what you thought you wanted your boundaries to be. Once you are confident that you know and understand your boundaries and are satisfied with them, then it is time to devise a communication plan.

A good communication takes into consideration who your audience is and what you are hoping to achieve. How we talk about fidelity and what fidelity and loyalty mean shifts with the different roles people play in our lives. What we expect from family is different than what we expect from friends, and both of those sets of expectation are different for our intimate partners. Deciding on which group of people you would like to communicate with first will help with crafting a plan. Consider what the person’s role is, how they enjoy being communicated with (over DM, in person, text, or voice call) and then reach out to them via their preferred method of communication. (read more…)

Happiness Blog September 9, 2019

Knowing what fidelity and loyalty mean to you can help you understand the actions that reflect loyalty and fidelity. Giving yourself permission to consider your own values allows you to gain a deeper understanding of what you do and do not want, what you will and will not tolerate. A good example of this is that society tells us that if the people in our lives make one fidelity mistake, they should be out of our lives. This works for some people and for some relationships. Being honest with ourselves about who we are and what we value allows us to move beyond what society, friends, and family tell us our fidelity boundaries or rules should be. (read more…)

Happiness Blog September 2, 2019

Something I have always found interesting is the variety of ways we can come together in friendship and intimate relationships. This means that fidelity and loyalty have many meanings as well. Most people assume that their definitions of fidelity and loyalty are the standard definition when, in reality, there is no standard definition, just as there is no standard way to couple. There are what I consider to be popular fictions about what the standard is. There are also a great many assumptions about what fidelity and loyalty means on social media. This is the most interesting to me because we cannot control what other people do, only how we react to what they do. We cannot control who likes our posts or who does or does not send us direct messages. (read more…)

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